My Journey
The Full Story
From Catholicism to Crisis of Faith
Embarking on my spiritual journey, I traversed away from the realms of Catholicism. The transition proved to be no easy feat, and I refrain from proclaiming a triumphant rejection of Catholicism, for such a stance would be both pretentious and untrue. Although I no longer identify as a practicing Catholic in the traditional sense, I occasionally engage in church attendance. This choice is driven by a desire to maintain familial harmony, given my family's deeply rooted Christian beliefs, and also because I find that within the rituals of Catholicism, there exists valuable information shaping my path in Paganism.
Catholicism, despite its divergence from my current beliefs, played a pivotal role in shaping my understanding of the divine. It served as the catalyst that eventually led me into the embracing arms of Paganism. My spiritual evolution is marked by the stark contrast between the monotheistic worship of one god in three persons and the Pagan concept that the same creative force birthed multiple gods.
This contrast emerged as a response to core questions that lingered within me regarding monotheism. I grappled with the paradox of a singular god prohibiting the worship of multiple gods while simultaneously emanating as three persons. Questions regarding the nature of this god's goodness and omnipotence, the existence of evil, and the enigmatic balance between divine secrecy and the importance of adhering to divine will fueled my exploration. It was through this contemplation that I found a rational explanation, ultimately guiding me towards the rich tapestry of Paganism.
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From Crisis of Faith to Ancient Gods
As my crisis of faith unfolded, I found myself grappling with the complexities of belief systems and questioning the feasibility of numerous deities coexisting in our world. Initially, my narrow mindset painted a picture of these gods as superheroes, engaged in a cosmic battle for supremacy and wreaking havoc on mortals. The realization that the cosmos encompasses opposing forces of creation and destruction, decay, disease, and evil shattered my preconceived notions. It became evident that a deity claiming pure goodness couldn't be responsible for such a diverse and challenging existence.
During my Christian phase, I gravitated toward a dualistic belief in two separate, equal entities—good and evil. However, this mindset had its share of issues, leading me to adopt a simplistic, black-and-white perspective that overlooked the nuances of the world. This perspective proved untenable, prompting a rigorous reevaluation and a conscious effort to reshape my worldview. Engaging with atheist literature, both in books and videos, played a crucial role in challenging my beliefs and steering me away from organized religion. I embraced a secular outlook, rejecting Christianity and religion as a whole.
Despite my intentional departure from narrow thinking, a residue of black-and-white mentality lingered, albeit now directed against religion itself. I became a fervent atheist, delving into art and nature to fill the void left by the absence of religious beliefs. Environmentalism became my new focal point, and I sought solace in the interconnectedness of nature.
However, a surprising twist awaited me as I stumbled upon an old passion: Egypt. Creating statues of various gods brought me immense joy, even though my craftsmanship was still in its early stages. Little did I realize the transformative power hidden within this creative endeavor. As I delved deeper into religious studies, I discovered a community of individuals who still held faith in ancient deities like Zeus, Ra, Jupiter, and Thor. The revelation that people, even atheists like myself, were drawn to these ancient belief systems intrigued me. Curiosity sparked, and I found myself yearning to explore this uncharted territory, eager to understand the allure that these ancient gods held for believers in the modern world.
Crafting my new path
As I delved deeper into my exploration of ancient gods, I stumbled upon vibrant communities of pagans who shared their experiences and insights. YouTube channels became a wellspring of inspiration, introducing me to individuals passionately recounting their journeys with various pantheons and ancient beliefs. Their openness and authenticity resonated with me, offering a sense of camaraderie in the vast landscape of spirituality.
Motivated by this newfound connection, I decided to establish my own shrine, a sacred space where I could immerse myself in the presence of the deities I was discovering. With each carefully crafted statue and ritual, I eased into this novel concept of spiritual expression, finding solace and fulfillment in the rituals and practices that had once seemed distant.
This endeavor marked a profound shift in my worldview, evolving from a strict atheist stance to a more open, spiritually attuned perspective. The process of setting up my shrine became a personal journey of rediscovery, blending ancient wisdom with contemporary understanding. Through the shared experiences of online communities and the personal connection forged with my shrine, I embarked on a path of self-discovery and spiritual fulfillment, embracing the multifaceted tapestry of belief that had unfolded before me.
Why paganism?
Embracing Paganism has illuminated for me a path of worship that feels remarkably honest and reciprocal—a stark contrast to the structured practices of Abrahamic religions. While the remnants of reciprocity exist in the sacrificial rituals of the past, these practices have faded, leaving behind a worship centered more on meditation and submitting wish lists to a god with a predefined divine plan.
In Paganism, meaningful offerings forge a tangible connection between the human and the divine. Unlike the Abrahamic traditions, the emphasis is not on understanding the gods' needs but on expressing genuine devotion. A simple offering, such as a loaf of bread, carries profound significance when it stems from what we hold dear and value the most. The act of dedicating something, especially if one has invested effort in its creation, transcends the eloquence of elaborate prayers.
For a former atheist and materialist like myself, the appeal of Paganism lies in its grounding in the tangible—connecting with the real, the present, and the deification of this world. The empirical truths embedded in Pagan teachings resonate deeply—the material world's age, its origin from the expansion and pluralization of forces, the emergence from chaos, and the life springing from water and mud. Paganism, with its reverence for the interconnectedness of life and the tangible expressions of devotion, has become a guiding light on my spiritual journey, offering a harmonious blend of ancient wisdom and contemporary understanding.
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My statue-selling business
The inception of my statue-selling business began with a humble display of my clay icons on Facebook that I crafted for my new shrine.
What started as simple creations gradually evolved into more refined sculptures, capturing the attention of those who appreciated my work. The turning point occurred when I crafted a statue for a British client, and her satisfaction sparked the idea of turning my passion into a side-gig. Investing in better materials and building my own kiln marked a significant shift, enabling me to experiment with various firing techniques on a modest budget.
The astonishing results garnered genuine interest, and people expressed a desire to purchase my creations. A serendipitous encounter with a craftsman in the US, Ptahmassu Nofra-Uaa, whose work had inspired me for years, took my artistic journey to unforeseen heights. Our shared perspectives and discussions eventually led to him commissioning a "Living Image" for his temple service, marking a pivotal moment in my artistic venture. He has since become a generous client and mentor, offering invaluable insights into priestly service and contributing to the expansion of my artistic horizons.
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